Today has been a rough one, just because people didn't have such a good run at giving me reasons to believe in them. Actually, at this point, I'm more than slightly miffed at humanity on the whole for ditching me repeatedly.
It started with a presentation for bio with two other people (first group project of the semester, interestingly enough). Is it too much to ask for everyone to show up to the class on time? I think it's a little ridiculous for the one person who has the ENTIRE presentation on a flash drive to make it to class an hour late, without telling the rest of us where he is. Oh, right, that's because he fell asleep in starbucks, which of course I should have thought to check while I searched two floors of the library for any sign of his sleeping soul once we realized he really, truly MIA from class. And then maybe I'm asking too much, but is it still more ridiculous that out of the three people in my group, I was the only one who had slept and showered in the past 24 hours? I understand that we're all a little pressed for time, especially after getting back from a long weekend, but I think that a bit of responsibility is something I should be able to expect.
I can't wait to not have to be around science people all day. They're really getting to me.
I think what was also getting me was that I forgot my phone at the dorm all day, so I had no means of venting out this frustration. It also made me realize that even though Zondie sometimes annoys me with the texts, I depend on her for moral support in times like these. Or not, when I can't get in touch with her and I'm stuck dealing with the people right in front of me while just swallowing this frustration.
And it got a little better until my lab partner never showed up. Granted, I see her once a week and otherwise she's a stranger, but it was the last lab and I got stuck working with two people who didn't really care if I was there or not. I think I'm making a bigger deal out of all of this than is necessary, but this is kind of what happens when you don't have too many people to be with. And then the ones that you thought you could count on just drop off the face of the earth, telling you that they have better things to do than help you out with the tiny bit you need from them. Is this a common courtesy that nobody learns? I'm probably being a hypocrite anyway, but people are just irritating me today.
It's also worse that for some reason I can't listen to a lot of my music anymore. I get frustrated at things I used to think were sentimental, and music that used to calm me down just makes me roll my eyes. The only things I can handle are things that were recorded around or before 1975, including van morrison, frank sinatra and john coltrane. I don't know why this is, but even michael buble's covers of frank sinatra are almost irritating.
And I suddenly feel like a failure because I'm not doing all these extracurricular things that I could be doing, I don't know my professors well enough to get letters of recommendation from them, and my gpa for this semester is probably going to hover around the number they consider to be the marker for just being "competitive" for medical school. OK, that's not the biggest thing on my plate right now, but I figured since I was already writing I might just write down all the little things.
So I write it all down, and now I'm going for a run and forcing myself to listen to music made after the year 2000 to try to get this train back on the track. Hopefully this is the last time I have a day like this for a while.
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