Kenny Loggins
Home for the holidays,
I believe I've missed each and every face
Come on and play my music
Let's turn on every love light in the place
It's time I found myself
Totally surrounded in your circles
Whoa, my friends
Please, celebrate me home
Give me a number
please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song
That I'll always remember
and I can recall
whenever I find myself too all alone
I can sing me home
Uneasy highway
Traveling where the Westerly winds can fly
Somebody tried to tell me
But the man forgot to tell me why
I gotta count on being gone
Come on home, come on daddy
Be what you want from me
I'm this strong, I'll be weak
Please, celebrate me home
Give me a number
please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song
That I'll always remember
I can recall
whenever I find myself too all alone
I can make believe I've never gone
I never know where I belong
Sing me home
Please, celebrate me home
Give me a number
please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song, that I'll
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate me home
Please, celebrate me home
Please, celebrate me home,
Well I'm finally here
But I'm bound to roam
Come on celebrate me home
Well I'm finally here
But I'm bound to roam
Come on celebrate me home
Well I'm finally here
But I'm bound to roam
Come on celebrate me home
Please, celebrate me home
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
There Are No Words
Ah, it's been a while. But it's Christmas, and this is one of those Christmases where I'm almost overcome with gratitude, appreciation, pride and excitement. I'm proud of my parents, for all that they've been able to achieve for themselves and for their kids over the last twenty years, and I know that their story is probably a rare one. I think I'll be lucky if one day I can find myself as lucky, yet deserving, as they are. My dad says that luck is just about taking advantage of opportunities, especially those that are hard to see and easy to pass over.
It makes me want to work even ten times harder to be able to follow in my parents footsteps. It occurred to me a while ago that they may still have a lot to teach me, and I love that as I grow older I come to know them in different ways. I hate to think about families that just drift apart over time, but then I think that maybe that's natural for a lot of people. I know our family is spreading out a bit, and things happen that cause hidden divides that can go unrecognized for a while, but then that's part of growing up. I know I'm kind of strange for wanting to spend time with my parents the way I do, but I'm glad to be lucky to appreciate them.
I almost want to cry to think of how far these 20 years have brought us all. They've brought people together and apart, to new places and back to old ones time and time again. It's one of those times that I'm astounded at what a miracle life is. It's hard to describe without sounding crazy, but this is why I believe in God. I don't know who else could come up with something this wonderful.
And the CD is excellent, by the way. It's so easy to forget all the moments that prompted me to latch onto these songs, but it's such a happy way to remember. Moments come rushing back to me, some that I don't want to literally experience again, but I'm so grateful that I had all of them. These songs were, are and always will be a part of my life. Thanks :-)
And Merry Christmas, of course!
It makes me want to work even ten times harder to be able to follow in my parents footsteps. It occurred to me a while ago that they may still have a lot to teach me, and I love that as I grow older I come to know them in different ways. I hate to think about families that just drift apart over time, but then I think that maybe that's natural for a lot of people. I know our family is spreading out a bit, and things happen that cause hidden divides that can go unrecognized for a while, but then that's part of growing up. I know I'm kind of strange for wanting to spend time with my parents the way I do, but I'm glad to be lucky to appreciate them.
I almost want to cry to think of how far these 20 years have brought us all. They've brought people together and apart, to new places and back to old ones time and time again. It's one of those times that I'm astounded at what a miracle life is. It's hard to describe without sounding crazy, but this is why I believe in God. I don't know who else could come up with something this wonderful.
And the CD is excellent, by the way. It's so easy to forget all the moments that prompted me to latch onto these songs, but it's such a happy way to remember. Moments come rushing back to me, some that I don't want to literally experience again, but I'm so grateful that I had all of them. These songs were, are and always will be a part of my life. Thanks :-)
And Merry Christmas, of course!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Good Morning, Good Night
Don't you just love days when you really feel like yourself? When your life actually seems familiar, instead of something you wake up to every morning and do without thinking? For me, it usually comes after a really stressful time, like this week, when I had no idea what I was doing and where I was going. It usually takes a lot to make me feel like a failure, but this was one of those weeks. And now, I'm finally back to a state of being that I actually recognize. I'm back to listening to my own music, to being caught up in one song that I want to hear over and over because it triggers something within me that I haven't felt for a while. It's not something in particular - I just look around me now and feel safe again.
I know in a minute I'll be reminded of all the things that usually keep me from feeling this safe and satisfied, and I'll slip away from myself once again. But now, it feels good.
I went to NYU Med school to meet with a friend of my dad's, which made me unexpectedly sullen for the rest of the day. I've been thinking so much lately about how my dad says that I could be a lawyer in my sleep because of the way I think. Why don't I just do that, I ask myself? I'm almost afraid that one day I'll just give in and take the LSAT and go be a good lawyer. But then I go into a hospital, like I did yesterday. It's silly but I almost felt the way I do in a barn, as if I could stay there forever, only instead of hay and horses there were all the patients and charts and brave, subtle people. I think it scared me yesterday, to have to leave and not go back for a long time. It scares me that I have so much left to do before I can even get close to that being my life.
Then again, it scares me that I only recognize myself once every couple of weeks. I've been scared by worse, though, so all I'll do is enjoy it while it lasts.
I know in a minute I'll be reminded of all the things that usually keep me from feeling this safe and satisfied, and I'll slip away from myself once again. But now, it feels good.
I went to NYU Med school to meet with a friend of my dad's, which made me unexpectedly sullen for the rest of the day. I've been thinking so much lately about how my dad says that I could be a lawyer in my sleep because of the way I think. Why don't I just do that, I ask myself? I'm almost afraid that one day I'll just give in and take the LSAT and go be a good lawyer. But then I go into a hospital, like I did yesterday. It's silly but I almost felt the way I do in a barn, as if I could stay there forever, only instead of hay and horses there were all the patients and charts and brave, subtle people. I think it scared me yesterday, to have to leave and not go back for a long time. It scares me that I have so much left to do before I can even get close to that being my life.
Then again, it scares me that I only recognize myself once every couple of weeks. I've been scared by worse, though, so all I'll do is enjoy it while it lasts.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Going Retro
Today has been a rough one, just because people didn't have such a good run at giving me reasons to believe in them. Actually, at this point, I'm more than slightly miffed at humanity on the whole for ditching me repeatedly.
It started with a presentation for bio with two other people (first group project of the semester, interestingly enough). Is it too much to ask for everyone to show up to the class on time? I think it's a little ridiculous for the one person who has the ENTIRE presentation on a flash drive to make it to class an hour late, without telling the rest of us where he is. Oh, right, that's because he fell asleep in starbucks, which of course I should have thought to check while I searched two floors of the library for any sign of his sleeping soul once we realized he really, truly MIA from class. And then maybe I'm asking too much, but is it still more ridiculous that out of the three people in my group, I was the only one who had slept and showered in the past 24 hours? I understand that we're all a little pressed for time, especially after getting back from a long weekend, but I think that a bit of responsibility is something I should be able to expect.
I can't wait to not have to be around science people all day. They're really getting to me.
I think what was also getting me was that I forgot my phone at the dorm all day, so I had no means of venting out this frustration. It also made me realize that even though Zondie sometimes annoys me with the texts, I depend on her for moral support in times like these. Or not, when I can't get in touch with her and I'm stuck dealing with the people right in front of me while just swallowing this frustration.
And it got a little better until my lab partner never showed up. Granted, I see her once a week and otherwise she's a stranger, but it was the last lab and I got stuck working with two people who didn't really care if I was there or not. I think I'm making a bigger deal out of all of this than is necessary, but this is kind of what happens when you don't have too many people to be with. And then the ones that you thought you could count on just drop off the face of the earth, telling you that they have better things to do than help you out with the tiny bit you need from them. Is this a common courtesy that nobody learns? I'm probably being a hypocrite anyway, but people are just irritating me today.
It's also worse that for some reason I can't listen to a lot of my music anymore. I get frustrated at things I used to think were sentimental, and music that used to calm me down just makes me roll my eyes. The only things I can handle are things that were recorded around or before 1975, including van morrison, frank sinatra and john coltrane. I don't know why this is, but even michael buble's covers of frank sinatra are almost irritating.
And I suddenly feel like a failure because I'm not doing all these extracurricular things that I could be doing, I don't know my professors well enough to get letters of recommendation from them, and my gpa for this semester is probably going to hover around the number they consider to be the marker for just being "competitive" for medical school. OK, that's not the biggest thing on my plate right now, but I figured since I was already writing I might just write down all the little things.
So I write it all down, and now I'm going for a run and forcing myself to listen to music made after the year 2000 to try to get this train back on the track. Hopefully this is the last time I have a day like this for a while.
It started with a presentation for bio with two other people (first group project of the semester, interestingly enough). Is it too much to ask for everyone to show up to the class on time? I think it's a little ridiculous for the one person who has the ENTIRE presentation on a flash drive to make it to class an hour late, without telling the rest of us where he is. Oh, right, that's because he fell asleep in starbucks, which of course I should have thought to check while I searched two floors of the library for any sign of his sleeping soul once we realized he really, truly MIA from class. And then maybe I'm asking too much, but is it still more ridiculous that out of the three people in my group, I was the only one who had slept and showered in the past 24 hours? I understand that we're all a little pressed for time, especially after getting back from a long weekend, but I think that a bit of responsibility is something I should be able to expect.
I can't wait to not have to be around science people all day. They're really getting to me.
I think what was also getting me was that I forgot my phone at the dorm all day, so I had no means of venting out this frustration. It also made me realize that even though Zondie sometimes annoys me with the texts, I depend on her for moral support in times like these. Or not, when I can't get in touch with her and I'm stuck dealing with the people right in front of me while just swallowing this frustration.
And it got a little better until my lab partner never showed up. Granted, I see her once a week and otherwise she's a stranger, but it was the last lab and I got stuck working with two people who didn't really care if I was there or not. I think I'm making a bigger deal out of all of this than is necessary, but this is kind of what happens when you don't have too many people to be with. And then the ones that you thought you could count on just drop off the face of the earth, telling you that they have better things to do than help you out with the tiny bit you need from them. Is this a common courtesy that nobody learns? I'm probably being a hypocrite anyway, but people are just irritating me today.
It's also worse that for some reason I can't listen to a lot of my music anymore. I get frustrated at things I used to think were sentimental, and music that used to calm me down just makes me roll my eyes. The only things I can handle are things that were recorded around or before 1975, including van morrison, frank sinatra and john coltrane. I don't know why this is, but even michael buble's covers of frank sinatra are almost irritating.
And I suddenly feel like a failure because I'm not doing all these extracurricular things that I could be doing, I don't know my professors well enough to get letters of recommendation from them, and my gpa for this semester is probably going to hover around the number they consider to be the marker for just being "competitive" for medical school. OK, that's not the biggest thing on my plate right now, but I figured since I was already writing I might just write down all the little things.
So I write it all down, and now I'm going for a run and forcing myself to listen to music made after the year 2000 to try to get this train back on the track. Hopefully this is the last time I have a day like this for a while.
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