Paying Attention

I just went to church for the first time in about two months. I'd stopped going because I was busy, and because it's always hard to connect to a new church when you've been going to the same one for 18 years. But I figured I owed God a bit, since he's always been pretty good to me, and I got to see Jerm for the first time in about two weeks, too.

Anyway, I'm very glad I went because it was one of those rare occasions when I really was able to listen. I was actually able to take my mind off of all the stress I'm going to experience for the next week, not to mention all the studying I need to be doing right now. The gospel and homily were really interesting - the parable was about a master who was going on a journey and places his wealth in the hands of his servants. One got 5 "talents," or units of currency; one got two, and the last got one. The two servants with the most of the wealth chose to invest the master's money, and were rewarded upon his return. The last, however, chose to be cautious and bury his one talent, and was later reprimanded by the master for doing so.

I didn't really get this at first, but the explanation made a lot of sense that I could really understand. To hold back with what you've been given, to avoid the chance to grow is not the way to live. The best way to live is to allow yourself the chance to make choices, to risk what you have, to understand that you can always be more than what you are. It doesn't matter how much you start out with, because what you've been given will always be enough. I thought it was interesting that the master from the story saw the first two servants as being responsible enough to carry larger tasks, simply because they weren't afraid to grow wisely. It only makes sense - those of us who have proven that we can grow and change will be given more opportunities to do so.

From here, the visiting monk who was giving the homily wandered into an explanation of the meditations he teaches. He said that to live and to love (for they are virtually the same thing), one must always be learning to simply and humbly pay attention. There is no greater gift than giving someone your attention, because most of the time it's all we really need. Meditation, likewise, is about paying attention to yourself and your being, and nothing else. He also talked about balance, and how there's no reason to have an excess of anything. The catch here, though, is that everyone has a different definition of moderation (and should, because we are all different). What matters is that we are all balanced, that we can pay attention to things equally and not be ignorant of the things we choose not to see.

So it made me think, and was one of the more unusual masses where everyone is actually paying attention the entire time. Perhaps, then, the monk achieved exactly what he was intending...