Would someone just tell me that I suck already? just say it to my face, because I'm tired of hearing "no" without a reason. If I had the courage to put myself out there, could you at least explain why it wasn't good enough? Seriously. I mean, it's really awesome to hear "no" after "no," which makes it apparently really difficult for me to be a part of anything. Personally? I think that when I tell the truth, it's a good thing. Maybe it isn't what you expected, but I also consider that to be a good thing. I'm not afraid to take chances and risks, but it irritates me when it goes unnoticed and I get cast off as if I'm just not as good as everyone else.
Really? What would it take for anything I do to matter? Whatever I do, it isn't good enough. Because of that, it makes it impossible for me to do anything more, because no one cares what else I've done. When do I get to start to matter to anyone other than myself? Likewise, how much longer do I have to keep building myself up without anyone else agreeing? It's exhausting to tell yourself you really are great, despite the fact that the whole world would beg to disagree.
So if it's really the truth, just go on and tell me. Tell me why I suck, why I'm not good enough, why I'm not right this time (but maybe next time). Stop with all the smiles and the sincere apologies, because you really don't care enough to realize what I actually mean when I tell you the truth. The funny thing is that I really just mean what I say when I tell the truth. Is that so hard to understand? Why isn't it good enough when everyone else is telling lies, when everyone else has no idea what to say, so they say the same thing as one another and are then viewed to be "competitive"? Just because I play the game differently, does that mean I can't compete?
I just have to keep having faith that one day my game will come along, and I'll play it better and I'll actually be a factor in anything other than the things I can control. Here's my point, though - why do I keep stepping foot on all the wrong fields and just sucking?
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