Catch-Up and Cupcake

1. My sister is an absolute and total nerd. I knew that, but I always seem to forget. Then I just happened to stumble across her blog page that I hadn't seen in months and realized how much of a nerd she is. I don't mean this in a derogatory way, since I'm probably just the same way she is, but it's always funny to be reminded.

2. I haven't written in forever because I've been doing everything else. It takes a lot to stress me out, but last week really put me to the test. It's becoming apparent that school actually does indeed get hard, which is both a good and a bad thing for me to realize. Good, because it means I'm actually getting challenged, and bad because, well, it sucks to work your ass off to be average. BUT! Did I not ask for exactly that about six months ago? Indeed I did. Some might say, "Be careful what you wish for," but I'm very glad because I know there's a reason I'm doing all of this.

I don't really like being average, but it doesn't get to me as badly as it does to some other people. Sure, if I'm running on the track at the gym and someone passes me, I get a flash of an insatiable desire to race them, but I'm still working on how to use that subtle competitive streak to my benefit. I can't live my life comparing myself to the curve, thinking that getting a B on the most impossible test ever isn't good enough because almost half the class did better than me. That doesn't make sense, really. It makes me feel insecure about getting into a good medical school - I've always considered myself strong enough for the best, but for some reason it never shows up right on paper. I think somehow I'll be able to express my strengths to get as much as I deserve, but it'll take time for me to figure out how to use my talents wisely. Also, I'm unbelievably glad I'm not a biology major anymore, just because it comes with a whole culture that I can't be a part of anymore. What it comes down to is learning material that you don't really feel crazy passionate about so that you can beat someone else on a test and get a better internship than them. Sorry, but that's lame. Really lame.

3. I've actually settled into a daily bump and grind, to the point that my day is getting more and more dictated by the emotion I feel when I wake up in the morning. I'm realizing that this is a somewhat random process - one day I'll be chock full of hope and the next I'll be counting down the minutes until I can get back into bed. I never really know what it'll be until I wake up - maybe it's an effect of what I was dreaming about. I'm becoming more and more convinced that dreams are amazing and undervalued. I've been having some pretty crazy vivid ones since I came to school, and I think it might be a product of all the city background noise that keeps my mind moving once I get to sleep (still getting used to it, but it's getting better). Speaking of which, I had one such dream last night. All I really remember was that I had just finished unwrapping a gigantic cupcake that I could almost already taste... and then my alarm went off. It would have been the best cupcake ever. To whoever it is that controls my dreams (well, I guess that would be my brain...) - can I please have my cupcake back tonight?