Not Distractions, After All?

I really should go to bed, because I need to get up in 7 hours and sleep is a seriously important commodity these days, but I've been thinking and I need to write it down. I've aways been skeptic about enjoying this whole working around the clock thing, because it can be a cover-up of things I'd rather not address. But does it have to be?

I know I like to always have something to do, because if I'm bored, I start to self-destruct. No, not in a major mental or physical way, but my mood definitely starts to head downwards if I'm left wih just my thoughts to deal with for a little while. So why is it all bad to avoid this, huh? Maybe I like to be productive, and maybe it keeps me in a good mood just because I don't have to deal with myself. Is there too much wrong with that? I'm not afraid to address things that I'd rather not deal with, but do I have to deal with them all the time? You know what makes me feel better? Doing something good, something productive to help myself or others. Well, mostly this summer it's just to help myself, but that in itself is a form of therapy. Whether I'm earning money for myself, or helping someone find a jacket that will keep them comfortable in Alaska, or taking in as many surgeries and learning as I can, or helping a surgeon operate, this is good for me. Doing something, instead of sitting on the sidelines, wondering why I'm on the sidelines.

That's what I do when I'm out of the game, so while most people would consider me an overachiever or a workaholic, this is just me playing the game. This is the game I want to play, and while a lot of other people have the sense to have less exhausting interests, this one suits me. And when this summer's over, when I go back to school, that's a whole new playing field that keeps me entertained (even when I might complain about the work, but I try not to). Maybe I'm just too restless to appreciate relaxation, but it's harder for me to stand still. I of course need to work on that, but not now, not when I have no motivation to stay still.

So call me whatever you like, but sleep-deprived and overworked is my game :-)