Minutes to Monday

So now I'm scared, because I did a really stupid thing. I never sent the colleges I applied to my college transcripts. Of course, I found this out at 4:30 yesterday, when I got an email saying it was missing from an application, and by the time I realized what I never did, the Registrar's Office had closed for the weekend. Now I'm sitting counting the minutes to Monday, wondering if this is going to cost me everything. At least it wasn't part of the application I had to write? Maybe it's OK, because technically the sending of the transcripts is out of my hands, but I already got one stiff email telling me that I screwed up.

But there's nothing I can do about it for now, I guess. It's kind of like an ultimate test of calmness at the moment - it's one of the worst possible things I could be thinking about now, but I need to accept that it's going to be fine (except I'm not really sure.) Change of subject? My nails are back to full color glory - a shiny plum purple topped with a layer of iridescent glitter. It sounds absolutely awful, but I'm pretty much a huge fan. It's also courtesy of Jordan - she's got bright orange with glitter, and Gina has robin's egg blue with glitter. It's siblings' weekend here, and since Jordan's sister is kind of emo and quiet, we took it upon ourselves to act like idiots. Plus I was exhausted last night from two days of cramming, so I was reminded once again of why I need sleep (long story short, I think Jordan's sister thinks I'm psychotic and that I have problems controlling my volume).

For some reason I feel less conflicted inside, though - maybe it's because the applications are in (mostly-ugh), or because there's 34 days left here for me, or because I can finally be pretty honest with Gina and it's definitely what I need. It's also harder to write these blogs - granted, I haven't had a spare moment since Wednesday, really - but I find that I'm just focusing on what needs to be done instead of all the other things in my head. I'm starting to realize that I may actually be cut out for this medicine thing, since people are starting to face the difficulties of all the work and it only makes me more energized about it. I've always worried about what kind of a life I'm heading for, because at some point my career will be my life, and I have tons of things that I want to do that will most probably conflict with it. I'm caught between wanting the freedom to move around and having the opportunity to put myself to use in a way that will push me every day. I know it's weird for me to be thinking about my life ten years from now, but it's something that I need to take seriously since there's a pretty well-mapped schedule for me already. If I can't handle the constrictions placed upon me here, can I handle following the path to a career that will take over my life?

I think I could, because I could find the exceptions to the rules and wouldn't mind it if it was really what I wanted to do. It hasn't scared me away yet, right?

It's also weird to be on the other end of siblings' weekend. It makes me feel old, since I always used to be the one visiting. It makes me feel more independent than ever, in a way, since college life used to seem so foreign to me. Now it's just life, right?