Back?

Wow, it definitely gets harder and harder to go without the internet for a few days when you come to rely on it in the strange way that I have. There have been so many things running in and out of my head that I can't remember them all. At the moment, I'm glad this weekend is done with, because spending three consecutive days with my grandmother gets pretty difficult, especially when it's the grandmother who only hears what she wants to. It'd be so much better if she was just grumpy and mean, but she goes about pretending to have an open mind when she's really just set in her ways. I find it ironic that I was spending three days with her, since I'm not sure if anyone could think more differently from her than me.

Anyway, that's all past. I did get to see a lot of my favorite sister this weekend, especially when she saved my brain for an evening last night. It's funny that I'm starting to feel more comfortable and more like myself at her favorite frat in Boston than I do anywhere here, on my campus. I guess it's not all that funny, but understandable and maybe even predictable. I feel like I'm getting to the point where I could just head to Boston without her there, next year, and walk into Sigma Chi without second thought. It's something I don't have here - a home.

Anything more interesting? I got the craziest sunburn yesterday - my right hand and halfway up my right arm are fried, as is my face. Our team won our flag football game today, but for some reason that feels surprisingly less exhilarating than I expected. I think I just need to remember how to think again, since in order to survive my grandmother you have to vow to keep all your opinions to yourself, no matter how hard you want to tell her she's wrong. Teagan's moving to Fresno,CA over the summer to start at a job position, and she and I were hypothesizing about how I could get out there after I graduated to live with her. As usual, I'm thinking too far into the future. But California sounds nice right about now - it has a sunshine that is just part of everyday life. I like that it's different and far away, but that's just me wanting to run again.

I know that I do that stupid thing where I make it seem like I'm all fine and good on my own, but I'm just like everyone else and I could just use someone to hold me up from time to time. But the thing is that I never know when I'm going to need it, and so instead of investing in that, I just decide to go without, because it's not half bad - as long as nothing knocks me down. But then I'm driving the streets of Boston in my grandmother's tuna can of a car, listening to her comment on the crappy windshield wipers for the 800th time and wondering to myself how I end up where I do. It's not like there's a straight answer, or that I actually want a straight answer, but there was something about sitting in horrendous traffic with a backache that made it all seem so temporary. I don't know if its temporary in a good or bad way - some things I want to be temporary don't seem to be, and the things that I want to last only seem temporary. And then the light changes again, and I'm off across the street, wishing the accelerator was stronger and that I could only find my sister in this city so that I could finally stop wondering if there were any stability left at all.