Weathered

OK time to let go and unwind all the stuff that I wrapped up this weekend in a big ball tied up with chemistry. I guess that probably doesn't make sense unless you actually had the week I did, which is probably impossible. Anyway I've been so worried about global warming, since that's what we've been talking about in one of my classes extensively. I've also been worried about Wal-Mart - we're talking about it in sociology and I'm having a hard time finding a way to justify the place. It's so huge, impersonal, uncreative and most of all inhumane in the sense that they don't respect their employees. I don't really ever want to go into one again. Then after all that this week, I had my first organic chem test, which is just as scary as it might sound. The thing is, it doesn't matter that I think I did well on the test - there are certainly things that I didn't think to write down and don't know I missed them. It's the kind of test where you're guaranteed to get it back and kick yourself for not seeing what you should have. All in all, I really miss my art class, where what mattered was what you thought and what you did about it - not what you couldn't do, or what everyone else was doing that you couldn't stop, or what how guilty you already were doing that you didn't know you were doing.

I guess that doesn't make any sense - it's been a long week. I miss getting to sit down and write quickly about something random. Well, I'm looking out the window now and seeing lots and lots of snow - it's coming down fast, although I'm used to seeing it and it holds a lot less magic than it used to. It's still beautiful, though, and I love to walk through the snow and drag my feet to kick it just a little bit. I don't know why, but since I came here, snow just seems so much less special. It's frustrating when you have errands to run and have to constantly get a huge coat on and a hat and gloves and all that. And we spend no time looking at it and liking it - instead we walk outside and say "ugh, still snowing" because that means we're going to get wet and get salt all over our shoes. But I really like snow, and I wish it was easier to remember why. It looks so nice all over the ground, and I love when it covers the roads and sidewalks and makes it hard to walk. It's kind of fun to watch snow plows try to clear off a road that only has a quarter inch of snow on it - they just scrape and scrape and don't really do anything. I like that the trucks can't stop the snow, that it comes anyway and there's only so much they can do. And while I like the sidewalk salt because it makes it easier to walk, it takes away from the fact that nature is laughing in our faces. I think we owe it to nature to let it make fun of us once in a while, since we're so awful to it all the time.

So I'm glad it's snowing, because temporarily, nature has the last laugh. All the buses and vans can't really drive in this, so we have to stop what we're doing to let nature do whatever the hell it wants. I like it. I mean, that's the way it should be - we should always be aware that we're second to nature. And nature really knows how to do it - not only does it mess us up, it looks pretty at the same time. Now that's some expert level intereference, right there.

Imogen Heap and the snow seem to be a good combination. I wish I could write so much more, just write for days and days and days. But then, it seems that my mind is bland lately - not a good feeling at all. I want to write but have little to write about... maybe I need a strong dose of art to wake my mind up from this state, otherwise I'm in danger of sliding back to my nothingness state that I so strongly dislike. I've been thinking about spring a lot lately, because I can't wait for it to come - I feel that every year, but I feel it differently this year. I don't want it to be spring just so that it's not winter - I don't seem to mind winter much anymore, ironically, since it's so long and harsh here. I just love the way the world feels in spring, and I could use a new feeling from the world lately. Maybe I'm not as immune to the weather as I thought I was, although I think I'm affected differently than a lot of people. I like it when nature has its emotions, because it clearly does - it pours raining one day, and then is warm and sunny the next. This is the effect of global warming - nature's getting exceptionally moody because of how rude and intrusive we are. We deserve to experience its mood swings. I like that nature gets mood swings, too - makes me feel a little less crazy. Right now its tired and cold, and maybe it's crying a little in the form of snow. Then what are we doing but walking around in its tears, clearing them off the roads (to some extent), kicking its tears around with our boots, maybe even balling them up and throwing them at one another. There is such a thing as a happy snow, but this one isn't so happy, for some reason. It has a constant flow - nature hasn't stopped snowing on us all day, and it's going to last for a while longer, I can tell. So I think instead of getting mad at it, we should all just sympathize and understand it - sometimes we all just feel like shit and want to snow on everything all day. Sorry, nature, to whatever made you feel this way. I'll sympathize and stay quiet like you today.