!

So I'm ignoring my roommate right now because I've never been more annoyed with her than I am now. She spent three hours talking about shit that doesn't matter with her boyfriend last night, and I had stuff to do and was really just wishing she would shut up about all of it. I can handle background conversation, but of course I'm not deaf and can't block everything out, so I usually employ my curse of being able to keep my thoughts to myself and just let it go in one ear and out the other. But there comes a point where I can't listen to her garble anymore, because what she says just makes me want to jump off of a cliff. She talks to her boyfriend about how they're going to last forever, because they can fight and get through it and they're still in love or whatever, and I can't help but cringe hearing it. It's just plain ridiculous, their relationship, and here she is, convinced she knows everything about love and that everyone should look up to her for having the most amazing boyfriend ever.

I promise this isn't another senseless rant about her, because last night I finally actually got mad at the appropriate moment. I tend to not be able to do that - usually I get frustrated, forget it, and then let it overflow days later when I finally realize that I can't rationalize my frustration without getting mad. I was mad last night, while she was talking for three hours in our room, ignoring the fact that I was there and trying to get work done. Eventually I wound up out in the hallway, staring at my notes while not really absorbing anything, when my friend Gina walks by and makes the point that usually the person on the phone is the one in the hallway. And I had to stop and ask myself, why do I try so hard to give her respect when she gives me absolutely none? She doesn't listen when I talk, she doesn't try and make accomodations to the fact that I live in this room too, she doesn't say thanks for anything and doesn't show any sign of appreciation that I'm not a complete bitch and that I'm unable to say all of this to her face. She expects me to listen to what she says when she addresses me, but then expects me to be deaf when she isn't talking to me?

I haven't gone to sleep that mad in a long time. I stopped trying to be considerate when I was getting ready for sleep and she was already in bed - letting the door fall closed loudly when I left, purposely dropping stuff, leaving the light on longer than necessary... It wasn't satisfying really, at all, but I'm bad at being mad like that verbally. I either can do not mad at all or really mad, and can't seem to find the happy medium. It was just the culmination of the whole day that hit me all at once, and she was the one to finally drive me over the edge.

But I hate being mad, but don't seem to have a choice, if I'm going to be honest with myself. So, in resolution, I'm going to show her as much as she's shown me lately. I think she'll really enjoy it.