Thanks And Apologies To The Fish

Now I don't really feel like blogging anymore, but it's kept me sane in the past so I'll stick with it. I'm trying to figure out how to approach this semester. Should I relax and just do my own thing, since that's all I ever do, or keep trying and hanging out with people when I know I'm not myself with them? It's complicated. Obviously the best alternative is to be myself with my friends, but for some reason I'm not comfortable enough to. Why is that? I acknowledge my poor friend-being skills and don't know whether to change them or to accept them as part of myself.

Oh so funny story, I killed my friend's fish this afternoon. OK I know that doesn't sound funny, and it really wasn't and I really shouldn't be laughing, but just how it happened was too much. My roommate and I were in her room talking to her, and for some reason she leaned back in her chair too far and grabbed onto the desk, which then fell over and spilled everything on top of it onto the floor - including her two fish, in separate bowls. I didn't realize that the bowls were even in the picture until she stands up and yells, "The fish! Where are the fish?!" - leading me to realize that all water and all the little blue and green rocks on the floor were from fishbowls. We jump up and find one fish, but where's the other one? I told her when I found it, but didn't have the heart to tell her that I found it under my shoe :-(. And people came running down the hall with cups of water for the fish, all trying to save them, when I knew that the one I had picked up off the floor was dead because I killed it. And it wasn't even a funny story until we walked out of the room 20 minutes later, after cleaning it up, and I turned to my roommate and said, "Erin, I killed her fish." And then I couldn't help myself and had to laugh, and we were both hysterical about it.

So I guess that was one thing that made me laugh today, and even if I don't know how I want the next few months to go, I think I'm just going to try to be myself. I'm tired of doing what I think I should be doing, and I need to keep laughing about things like dead fish. I know that I get caught up in the smallness of everything here, so the least I can do is keep on being myself, even if that means not pretending and not being who everyone expects me to be. That sounds about right.