Not Again!

I don't know what to write about, but for some reason I think this mind will come up with something :-)

So I thought my roommate was learning, realizing that there's pretty much no point to her relationship with her boyfriend. Unfortunately, I overestimated her. She's still following him blindly, taking the blame for things she never did and worshipping him (even though he's a complete control freak). She's like THIS CLOSE to actually seeing this the way it is, but she's afraid of the truth and afraid to imagine that life would be better off without this unneccessary burden in her life. Oh well, now they're talking through they're problems. Wait, she's overanalyzing his text messages and then telling him he's perfect and she's not. Right. It's just frustrating for me because I get this glimpses of her once in a while, glimpses of someone who's life isn't ruled by fear or uncertainty or a complete lack of imagination. I wish she wasn't so afraid to let go and let life change and believe that everything will work out OK.

But I'm tired of being this bystander in her life, even though I have no choice because I live with her. But she doesn't see the power of pain, failure and mistakes - she doesn't see that happiness is more than talking to some boring kid about absolutely nothing for an hour every night. She doesn't see that her life is more than convincing him to marry her, and I wish she did. She won't take a stand for what she wants, because she just wants to experience as little pain as possible. Well, to her, pain is not talking to this kid for two days. I don't really want to be anywhere near her the day she figures out that it gets far worse than that.

I say that her life doesn't matter to me, but it does, because she's someone I really never want to be. It matters to me because it scares me, the way she lives so oblivious of what she's afraid to see. Is she one in a million, or is this the way most people live? Does she do it by choice or out of ignorance? Here I am, finally excited about the person I am, who I could be and everything I have left to learn about this life, and I'm sitting ten feet away from someone who wants nothing more than some positive attention from some boy who abuses her because he's jealous and has some serious trust issues. I'm afraid for her, I'm afraid of what her life will turn out to be.

OK and I'm sick of talking about her, but it's what's on my mind. My sincerest apologies for making you read about his yet again... I'll try and come up with something better tomorrow...