Moving

I spent this morning traveling, which was exactly what I needed. In fact, I wish I was still on a train, following the rails to the next station, or the one after that, or the one after that...

It's just that sometimes I need to move, especially when I'm overcome with a feeling of immobility. I was so relieved to see roads and houses and highways this morning - relieved to see that the world has kept on going the same way it used to. I wish I was a part of all that still - the real world, I mean. I miss everything about mobility - the left lane, double yellow lines, no lines at all, stop signs (...and not stopping), bad drivers, road rage, speeding, the way the traffic lights all change to flashing yellow at 10 PM in my hometown - everything.

It felt so good to be anonymously traveling across the state, paying $7.75 for an hour and half of pure inner peace. I'm truly myself when I travel - no relationships, no obligations, no appointments - just me, moving. I don't understand how some people don't like it. It gives me a momentary belief that I'm seeing a little more of the world that I hadn't seen before, which is ridiculously liberating in the most basic way. It's also why I love cities - every moment is different than the last, with new people and new situations and endless blocks of new experiences waiting...

Can you feel that I've been feeling a little confined lately? It's probably a good thing I don't have a car, because I would have used way to much gas simply driving around to nowhere and back just to feel the movement. You probably could spend an entire day wandering the subway system of New York City alone, just getting off here and getting on there and seeing where you end up. On the other hand, it probably would take only an hour or so to travel the whole streetcar system of San Francisco, but probably would recieve the same effect.

When does this need for movement subside? I know it's something more common in younger people than older, because younger people are less prepared to settle down in one place, but what will ever make me stop moving? Do I need to meet someone who will keep me in place, who won't let me go and pull me back but who will hold me tight? God, I almost hope that never happens. Since when did I become one to be wary of commitment? I suppose I've been this way since I lost something to commit to...